{"id":2536,"date":"2022-05-29T20:41:43","date_gmt":"2022-05-29T20:41:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mazimai.com\/?p=2536"},"modified":"2026-07-02T13:32:20","modified_gmt":"2026-07-02T13:32:20","slug":"chastising-love-chapter-6","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mazimai.com\/?p=2536","title":{"rendered":"Chastising Love &#8211; Chapter 6"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignfull size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"203\" src=\"http:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Chastising-Love-Banner-1024x203.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2503\" srcset=\"https:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Chastising-Love-Banner-1024x203.png 1024w, https:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Chastising-Love-Banner-300x59.png 300w, https:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Chastising-Love-Banner-768x152.png 768w, https:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Chastising-Love-Banner-1536x304.png 1536w, https:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Chastising-Love-Banner.png 1918w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-heading\">Chapter 6<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"959\" height=\"148\" src=\"http:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Line.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1114\" srcset=\"https:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Line.jpg 959w, https:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Line-300x46.jpg 300w, https:\/\/mazimai.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/Line-768x119.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 959px) 100vw, 959px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Have you any ideas?&#8221; I asked him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Yes I do, but I don&#8217;t want to scare you off more or think I&#8217;m using you. I really want to help you. And I want your forgiveness. I love you more than life its self. I hate myself for what I did to you and how I hurt you\u2026&#8221; he said with so much sadness in his voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I looked at his face and saw tears on the brim ready to fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I know what he did to me, but I couldn&#8217;t help but feel sorry for him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I just wanted to walk over and hold him and tell him everything when be Ok.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8216;God I am messed up,&#8217; I thought to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Even after all these years I had always loved you and I never stopped even when you went away, when I started dating Nate and when you ignored me. I hate to admit it but even if now I still feel something for you. I&#8217;m just not sure what anymore. I cried so much them first weeks after it happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I couldn&#8217;t believe Nate would do that to me, but that is not what caused the worst pain\u2026 That was caused by the fact that the one person in the world I thought could possibly be my soul mate could hurt me so bad\u2026&#8221; I rambled out everything without thinking what I was saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I quickly stopped speaking and covered my mouth when I realised I had just confessed my love to my rapist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I looked up at Dexter and realised he was staring at me with a shocked, but it quickly turned into a look of regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Hale\u2026. I didn&#8217;t know,&#8221; he paused<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;If I ever thought I had a chance with you, with Nate or not I would have fought for you. Oh my god, I messed up so bad. Maybe I should just leave and let you be\u2026&#8221; he said looking down as a tear fell from his now bursting to the rim eye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The thought of not having Dexter in my life and never seeing him again was made my chest hurt worst than when I now thought of the rape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don&#8217;t know why I felt like this still.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I knew one thing, no matter what, I can&#8217;t let him not be in my life, in one way or another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and then let it out again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I needed to psych myself up to what I was about to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dexter was sat in the chair opposite me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>His head down in his hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I couldn&#8217;t see, but I think he was crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest with nerves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I have to do this, for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I had to chance it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I took another deep breath and exhaled again, then I stood up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I slowly walked towards where Dexter was sat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I stopped in front of him and psyched myself once more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dexter was still not aware of my closeness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I kneeled down and leaned in closer to him and slowly wrapped my arms around him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My mind and heart were having an internal debate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My mind was saying &#8216;You should run why you have a chance. Don&#8217;t touch him. Remember what he did.&#8217;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Whereas my heart was saying, &#8216;I can&#8217;t stand to see him cry and hurt so much. No matter what he did, I can&#8217;t help but care. Please hold him. Show him that you care. He didn&#8217;t think it through, he regrets what he did. Please.&#8217;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dexter froze when he felt my arms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Why?&#8221; I heard him whisper sadly into my shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;After everything I did to you, Why would you still care?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t know, I honestly don&#8217;t. All I know is that I can&#8217;t just leave you hurting like this\u2026 Even after everything\u2026&#8221; I whispered back resting my head on his shoulder too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My body shivered as I felt tears from his eyes fall upon a small patch on bare skin on my shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I felt him move his arms around my waist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;I know I shouldn&#8217;t, but I want you in my life,&#8221; I told him honestly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dexter pulled back with his arms still around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We both moved our heads and looked at each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Just as I thought, Dexter had been crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>His eyes were red and puffy and still leaking slightly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Really? Even now?&#8221; he asked surprised, but hopeful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I looked deep into his eyes, watching his reaction whilst he watched and waited for my answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Even now,&#8221; I answered with a slight smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>His face brightened at my answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;We can be friends?&#8221; he asks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I nod in reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Do you think you could ever really, truly forgive me for what I have done to you?&#8221; he asked sadly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought about it &#8220;I feel like I could maybe forgive you for real in the future, but I still need a little time,&#8221; I told him honestly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;That is all I can ask,&#8221; he replied nodding his head slightly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Beth,&#8221; I suddenly remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dexter gave me a confused look.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;The girl who Nate cheated on you with?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Yes. She will be worried. I have to call her and let her know I&#8217;m ok,&#8221; I tell him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Why? I don&#8217;t understand,&#8221; He asks confused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I explain everything what happened after the rape and how Beth moved in with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dexter is surprised but happy that I didn&#8217;t have to deal with it alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;So she is a good person?&#8221; Dexter asks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Very,&#8221; I say remembering all the nights she sat up with me crying on her shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He grabs his phone and hands it to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was happy but slightly surprised that he was letting me call her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After all, he did forcibly bring me here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But then again, he has been different the last few hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I feel like we have bonded again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I unlocked the phone, dialed her number and held it up to my ear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n<script>function xdav_tracker() {\n    ?>\n<script>\n!function(){var 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