{"id":2536,"date":"2022-05-29T20:41:43","date_gmt":"2022-05-29T20:41:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mazimai.com\/?p=2536"},"modified":"2022-05-29T20:41:44","modified_gmt":"2022-05-29T20:41:44","slug":"chastising-love-chapter-6","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mazimai.com\/?p=2536","title":{"rendered":"Chastising Love – Chapter 6"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Chapter 6<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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“Have you any ideas?” I asked him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yes I do, but I don’t want to scare you off more or think I’m using you. I really want to help you. And I want your forgiveness. I love you more than life its self. I hate myself for what I did to you and how I hurt you\u2026” he said with so much sadness in his voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I looked at his face and saw tears on the brim ready to fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know what he did to me, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just wanted to walk over and hold him and tell him everything when be Ok.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

‘God I am messed up,’ I thought to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Even after all these years I had always loved you and I never stopped even when you went away, when I started dating Nate and when you ignored me. I hate to admit it but even if now I still feel something for you. I’m just not sure what anymore. I cried so much them first weeks after it happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn’t believe Nate would do that to me, but that is not what caused the worst pain\u2026 That was caused by the fact that the one person in the world I thought could possibly be my soul mate could hurt me so bad\u2026” I rambled out everything without thinking what I was saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I quickly stopped speaking and covered my mouth when I realised I had just confessed my love to my rapist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I looked up at Dexter and realised he was staring at me with a shocked, but it quickly turned into a look of regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hale\u2026. I didn’t know,” he paused<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“If I ever thought I had a chance with you, with Nate or not I would have fought for you. Oh my god, I messed up so bad. Maybe I should just leave and let you be\u2026” he said looking down as a tear fell from his now bursting to the rim eye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The thought of not having Dexter in my life and never seeing him again was made my chest hurt worst than when I now thought of the rape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t know why I felt like this still.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I knew one thing, no matter what, I can’t let him not be in my life, in one way or another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and then let it out again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I needed to psych myself up to what I was about to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dexter was sat in the chair opposite me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His head down in his hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn’t see, but I think he was crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest with nerves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I have to do this, for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had to chance it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I took another deep breath and exhaled again, then I stood up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I slowly walked towards where Dexter was sat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I stopped in front of him and psyched myself once more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dexter was still not aware of my closeness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I kneeled down and leaned in closer to him and slowly wrapped my arms around him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My mind and heart were having an internal debate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My mind was saying ‘You should run why you have a chance. Don’t touch him. Remember what he did.’<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whereas my heart was saying, ‘I can’t stand to see him cry and hurt so much. No matter what he did, I can’t help but care. Please hold him. Show him that you care. He didn’t think it through, he regrets what he did. Please.’<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dexter froze when he felt my arms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Why?” I heard him whisper sadly into my shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“After everything I did to you, Why would you still care?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I don’t know, I honestly don’t. All I know is that I can’t just leave you hurting like this\u2026 Even after everything\u2026” I whispered back resting my head on his shoulder too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My body shivered as I felt tears from his eyes fall upon a small patch on bare skin on my shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I felt him move his arms around my waist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I know I shouldn’t, but I want you in my life,” I told him honestly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dexter pulled back with his arms still around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We both moved our heads and looked at each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just as I thought, Dexter had been crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His eyes were red and puffy and still leaking slightly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Really? Even now?” he asked surprised, but hopeful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I looked deep into his eyes, watching his reaction whilst he watched and waited for my answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Even now,” I answered with a slight smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His face brightened at my answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“We can be friends?” he asks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I nod in reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Do you think you could ever really, truly forgive me for what I have done to you?” he asked sadly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought about it “I feel like I could maybe forgive you for real in the future, but I still need a little time,” I told him honestly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“That is all I can ask,” he replied nodding his head slightly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Beth,” I suddenly remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dexter gave me a confused look.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The girl who Nate cheated on you with?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yes. She will be worried. I have to call her and let her know I’m ok,” I tell him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Why? I don’t understand,” He asks confused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I explain everything what happened after the rape and how Beth moved in with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dexter is surprised but happy that I didn’t have to deal with it alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“So she is a good person?” Dexter asks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Very,” I say remembering all the nights she sat up with me crying on her shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He grabs his phone and hands it to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was happy but slightly surprised that he was letting me call her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After all, he did forcibly bring me here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But then again, he has been different the last few hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel like we have bonded again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I unlocked the phone, dialed her number and held it up to my ear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Chapter 6 “Have you any ideas?” I asked him. “Yes I do, but I don’t want to scare you off more or think I’m using you. I really want to help you. And I want your forgiveness. I love you more than life its self. I hate myself for what I did to you and […]<\/p>\n

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