Chapter 6

“Have you any ideas?” I asked him.

“Yes I do, but I don’t want to scare you off more or think I’m using you. I really want to help you. And I want your forgiveness. I love you more than life its self. I hate myself for what I did to you and how I hurt you…” he said with so much sadness in his voice.

I looked at his face and saw tears on the brim ready to fall.

I know what he did to me, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

I just wanted to walk over and hold him and tell him everything when be Ok.

‘God I am messed up,’ I thought to myself.

“Even after all these years I had always loved you and I never stopped even when you went away, when I started dating Nate and when you ignored me. I hate to admit it but even if now I still feel something for you. I’m just not sure what anymore. I cried so much them first weeks after it happened.

I couldn’t believe Nate would do that to me, but that is not what caused the worst pain… That was caused by the fact that the one person in the world I thought could possibly be my soul mate could hurt me so bad…” I rambled out everything without thinking what I was saying.

I quickly stopped speaking and covered my mouth when I realised I had just confessed my love to my rapist.

I looked up at Dexter and realised he was staring at me with a shocked, but it quickly turned into a look of regret.

“Hale…. I didn’t know,” he paused

“If I ever thought I had a chance with you, with Nate or not I would have fought for you. Oh my god, I messed up so bad. Maybe I should just leave and let you be…” he said looking down as a tear fell from his now bursting to the rim eye.

The thought of not having Dexter in my life and never seeing him again was made my chest hurt worst than when I now thought of the rape.

I don’t know why I felt like this still.

But I knew one thing, no matter what, I can’t let him not be in my life, in one way or another.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and then let it out again.

I needed to psych myself up to what I was about to do.

Dexter was sat in the chair opposite me.

His head down in his hands.

I couldn’t see, but I think he was crying.

My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest with nerves.

But I have to do this, for myself.

I had to chance it.

I took another deep breath and exhaled again, then I stood up.

I slowly walked towards where Dexter was sat.

I stopped in front of him and psyched myself once more.

Dexter was still not aware of my closeness.

I kneeled down and leaned in closer to him and slowly wrapped my arms around him.

My mind and heart were having an internal debate.

My mind was saying ‘You should run why you have a chance. Don’t touch him. Remember what he did.’

Whereas my heart was saying, ‘I can’t stand to see him cry and hurt so much. No matter what he did, I can’t help but care. Please hold him. Show him that you care. He didn’t think it through, he regrets what he did. Please.’

Dexter froze when he felt my arms.

“Why?” I heard him whisper sadly into my shoulder.

“After everything I did to you, Why would you still care?”

“I don’t know, I honestly don’t. All I know is that I can’t just leave you hurting like this… Even after everything…” I whispered back resting my head on his shoulder too.

My body shivered as I felt tears from his eyes fall upon a small patch on bare skin on my shoulder.

I felt him move his arms around my waist.

“I know I shouldn’t, but I want you in my life,” I told him honestly.

Dexter pulled back with his arms still around me.

We both moved our heads and looked at each other.

Just as I thought, Dexter had been crying.

His eyes were red and puffy and still leaking slightly.

“Really? Even now?” he asked surprised, but hopeful.

I looked deep into his eyes, watching his reaction whilst he watched and waited for my answer.

“Even now,” I answered with a slight smile.

His face brightened at my answer.

“We can be friends?” he asks.

I nod in reply.

“Do you think you could ever really, truly forgive me for what I have done to you?” he asked sadly.

I thought about it “I feel like I could maybe forgive you for real in the future, but I still need a little time,” I told him honestly.

“That is all I can ask,” he replied nodding his head slightly.

“Beth,” I suddenly remember.

Dexter gave me a confused look.

“The girl who Nate cheated on you with?”

“Yes. She will be worried. I have to call her and let her know I’m ok,” I tell him.

“Why? I don’t understand,” He asks confused.

I explain everything what happened after the rape and how Beth moved in with me.

Dexter is surprised but happy that I didn’t have to deal with it alone.

“So she is a good person?” Dexter asks.

“Very,” I say remembering all the nights she sat up with me crying on her shoulder.

He grabs his phone and hands it to me.

I was happy but slightly surprised that he was letting me call her.

After all, he did forcibly bring me here.

But then again, he has been different the last few hours.

I feel like we have bonded again.

I unlocked the phone, dialed her number and held it up to my ear.